I want to be a confident person
How do you build self-confidence?
I've been taking some online courses of professional development recently, and somehow it led me to working on my own personal self and in particular, the above question. However, the more I learn, the clearer it is to me that 'confidence' is actually pretty subjective. There are different types of confidence, and there are different reasons for it, too.
But how do I get on this path to be more confident in myself, from where I am now?
This all started yesterday, as I was ruminating over what it means to be sure of myself and thinking of how people perceive me. I had a short discussion with some friends about first impressions, i.e. what people usually think of them upon first meeting. Some friends have told me that they initially see me as intimidating, even arrogant.
My RBF makes me look like I am disinterested, as if people around me are not worth my time... but in reality, when I'm quiet amongst a crowd, what's actually happening is I'm busy sifting through a billion thoughts in my cluttered mind (thanks ADHD) and calming my nerves as I remind myself not to stutter or overshare or be weird or make things awkward (thanks anxiety).
Tbh, I am actually very curious about people. I find humans fascinating, like the way a social scientist studies human thinking and behavior. But people can be quitt judgy sometimes, which if I'm being honest, scares me a little bit. It's somewhat ironic, because I tend to pseudo-psychoanalyse people, but I'm nervous about being psychoanalysed in return.
Why am I afraid of being judged? Hmm.
The course I took today said that the best way to start being self-confident is to join a toastmasters meeting. It was obvious that the course was created by and for extroverts lol, but it did make me wonder how else I can be more at ease with myself, at least enough that I wouldn't freak out over the thought of talking to people who do attend toastmaster events.
Anyhow, as I was telling my friend J that I'm considering jobs outside of my area of expertise (education) e.g. corporate communication and working at embassies, J said I'd be good at it because I'm apparently "very diplomatic".
I told her that I feel like I'm too brash, but she said, "you feel underconfident, but to us watching? [We] can't see it. You mask it well. (Or, my suspicion, you might actually be a confident person underneath, but years of being second-guessed have taken a toll)".
I hope she's right that I'm actually a confident person underneath. In some ways, I sense it too sometimes. I hope one day I'll finally be able to stop feeling the need to mask and just embrace myself as I am.
I guess I gotta start somewhere.
Here goes nothing.