When I say I love you to friends...
As someone who grew up in unloving conditions, I may not be able to articulate what 'normal' romantic/filial love is, but I sure as hell know what platonic love means to me.
When I say I love you, I mean a part of me breaks forever if we don't talk anymore.
I mean you make the world so much better not because of what you do for me/others but because you are you + you exist.
I mean I adore and admire you so much it infuriates me when other people don't/can't see what I see in you.
I mean your soul is so precious that I wish I could hug your inner child + wrap them all snug + keep them safe inside my heart because I don't want them to ever be hurt or scared at all.
I mean if I don't add value to your life Id cut myself off to make it easier for you to burn bridges.
When I say I love you, I have to tell myself not to tear up wondering how/why I could even deserve having you in my life + subconsciously grieve the day you are no longer in it.
Growing up in unloving conditions means I don't say I love you very often, but when I do say it, I mean it so intensely it hurts sometimes.
I mean all of this. Every single time.